Today the summer winked its eye and I wore a long boat on my shoulders pretending to be an illustrious admiral - my boat was made from the paper I wrote my memoirs on. Apart from walking footprints to the shops and back, I was as static as a coral reef. I continued to draw black lines around both positively and negatively charged particles.
I was at home most of today; standing on the ancient parapet and walking under the shadowy arches. I diligently put small crosses on the individual ivy leaves so that they could be returned to their owners. I had to curl up in the chair in the evening while my wife tried to fit my alternative body into a conch shell.
The morning was spent under a translucent sheet which reflected the light from the multiple eyed beings that floated above my binary star system head. I worked in the garden as long as I could before taking an even longer snake to the off licence and ordering a mint tea. Dan came back from the seaside with his car headlamps hanging from each ear.
The day started with me being posted through the letterbox and subsequently landing on the doormat with a loud plop. After reading myself thoroughly I went to town pulling a camel behind me. I crumpled up my Arabian secrets like a ball of string and gladly accepted a transparent heart when it was pushed into my shirt pocket.
A nice quiet day as the amorphous “sheep” animals slowly slid over a horizontal mirror, which I peeped into occasionally to see a joint of quorn - apparently this isn’t as good for you as soya. In the evening I felt a black blank strand (with a loud silence) stretch from my head and reach the sky.
I started the day as an honorary member of The Country Boys and we talked about our next adventures. I felt a bit left out as my only super gift was the ability to pull a horse and cart out of one ear and a headless rider from the other. In the evening I quietly saluted one of my true friends who had the head of a bull and claimed to have known Aubrey Beardsley.
I took an early morning trip to see the volcano that spews out fish. I threw in my money and took home my prize. However, I didn’t have time to enjoy it as I had to go to town to be an extra in the latest Godzilla film - this was the one were the monster discovers religion and the whole world is destroyed in the subsequent fireball.
I started the day with the strong belief I was a slug that had eaten his own lettuce during the night. I pulled in my tentacles, which, unbeknown to me, my wife had been using as clothes airers, and took an Ancient Egyptian boat to town. I called the boat Hilda and held a young swan in my arms.
I went to the board game countryside before walking to non-tinsel town in the rain. I was the ring master when the lion lady came in to complain about the letter she had just addressed to herself. Later, the clown boy seemed to be very concerned about his still nascent relationship with the goddess called Semi-Circe.
I had a completely free day (most of my days are quite expensive!) so I used the opportunity to repopulate the moat with the salt water crocodiles I found in my cereal packet. I also spent some valuable time learning ballet in the glass igloo where I continue to keep my boyhood collection of safety pins.