My Diary

I cleaned both of the rooms I lease from the Rain God. It took me all day, with a plague of locusts perpetually buzzing round my head.

In the evening I went to the dance hall for statues which I call my place of work. My time was spent mouthing messages like a goldfish to the shadows that flit by.

I ended the year as I began it, with giant birds on the mantle piece and strangers marching on the windowsill. Fireworks reflected Chinese writing in the mirror above the ogre’s fluffy cat.

My Diary

The second day off from other activities. I spent it inside the whale talking to Jonah – I am glad we are on speaking terms. The background music was played by an orchestra of toilets. I took the fan belt of my toy car and turned it into a pair of tights to keep my ears warm – the music continued flushing.

By the early afternoon, I finished putting wings on the glass decanter that usually hibernates in the chimney. It had flown away to a quieter address by the evening. I then had to stretch the flowers that speak home truths. I did this while painting red spots on my face.

The evening was wrapped in the paper of an ancient civilisation.

My Diary

A day off from all unnecessary activities. I could paint lines in any direction I wished and then follow them. Some ended up the creek with a face painted on the paddle. I tucked a jam jar in my breast pocket and collected stickle backs.

I holed up in the tuba I have built my studio in and listened as the arrows fell. Later on, there was a snow accompaniment but it had disappeared before the music stopped.

At the end of the day I wrapped myself in newspaper and read in bed.

My Diary

A reasonable day, stepping from one broken shard of glass to another. I could see fragments of myself reflected in the floor. The building was inverted and I sat outside in the warm. Indoors we are expecting snow.

I worked the carriage that wouldn’t move. Serving drinks and eating crisps. From the emergency cord the gibbons hung. I had bells in both pockets and drew them at the OK corral. Ben was Wyatt Earp.

I eventually became a merman and sat on the seabed among the seaweed. I woke on the floor with an octopus holding my hand – I blinked and it became a chicken, I blinked again and it was a sports car. I turned the key when I went to bed.

My Diary

Back to “volcano on my head” normality. I was able to fill in the blanks that were suspended from the ceiling. The Christmas music played. Every note was coloured with food. I squashed the berries which formed the chorus and unfolded the pastry which became the score.

I went out in the afternoon to do my duty on the front. It was cold as ice and the children’s voices could be heard murmuring behind the lines. Before the battle the shelves were stacked.

I was disappointed to learn that I will not be able to get a new head until we are in a new year. I will have to make do with the wine box the cats use as a hideaway. The sea ebbs at the carpet edge.

My Diary

We came back from the dark galaxy in the early morning. The in and out of focus beasts had followed us while the black sentry slept. I had to hold onto the winged dog wearing a baking tin for a crown.

We went to a Malayan long house for lunch, with smoke entering one side and exiting the other. The primitive insects on our heads communicated by clapping while I performed tricks with a circus ring. A flag was waved by a barefoot girl.

The end of the day was spent in a prisoner of war camp in Germany. I escaped by pretending to be a steam engine – my head obscured by steam.

My Diary

We all had to journey out to the other side of the universe to spend Christmas with the family. I arrived carrying a wet fish. I could see the fishing boats embedded in the frozen ground at the far end of the housing estate – I could also see an old battle ship. Colder weather was forecast. I put my cup of tea outside on the windowsill and drunk through a reed that Pan had been chasing.

My head came off while eating a roast potato during Christmas dinner! I will have to ring the dentist in the New Year to have it glued back – this will cost more than the sabre-tooth tiger we were thinking of buying. I placed a fossil in my lap and cradled it while watching my life history on the TV.

We stayed the night, sleeping among the burning embers of a camp fire.